It's like the world silently knew.
I shared some of the words from this blog with him on Saturday. I shared about the stories...
*Note- This post was started over a month ago. The date on here says July 24th. As you might have guessed, a lot has happened but the name of this still rings true.
The mirror is broken.
It's so so broken.
Why do I keep going with a broken mirror?
It's probably why I've dropped cups in front of him... quietly and softly. It's education and art and a test of both myself and the tenure of the glass itself I suppose.
But I digress...
When I'd written this over 30 days ago we had just met outside of the place we'd called home... food wise. It was our safety net. It was...
But even that had been shattered.
Over the past reams and reams of time back and forth, I wish I could say that that viewpoint had changed tremendously.
I mean, it'd had it's moments where things were a wee bit better but they were just temporary... and temporary within temporary at that.
Stars is currently light years away... in zip code and temperament.
It's frustrating and I'm not even sure what to feel about it anymore.
On one hand I want for...
I want more than anything for the pain to be over and for things simply to be ok.
I mean that with sincerity and truth in so so many ways.
A month ago (per a digital journal note) I took this photo right after he'd left me curbside. The shiny piece of perspective came shining through in most everything literally and figuratively.
You see, the thing about mirrors is that they are never subtle even when they are subtle. Mirrors, broken or otherwise, cut through the viewer in a visceral way. You simply can't escape no matter how much you might. The truth is in there... like it or not.
Several films discuss the cutting power of internal mirrors and transcendence with a partner of some form... be it a lover or some alter ego or force that a hero must overcome in order to progress in life.
I've alluded to being this, perhaps in an invisible form, "magic mirror" for many lovers and people in my life in general. I've referred to that scene from The Neverending Story discussing the gate test which... many didn't seem to get until much later when it might even be... dare I say it... too late.
Even with Stars being more or less on the periphery at "best" the concept of the mirror analogy is very very key. It's a sentiment that is present with every single person someone connects with.
I've seen so many mirrors shatter around me. So many mirrors that... have helped me see things within that I needed to see.
He's told me so many times that I'm broken.
He's told me so many times that I'm not good enough.
He's told me so many times that... my DNA is not worth combining genes with.
It has been revealing.
What will the mirror reveal today? Will it be the good? Will it be the bad? Which piece of perspective will you take? Once upon a time... it revealed... love. Do you remember those days when it was there... in silly comments about girl parts and back and forth and in cups of hot tea and dancing in a gazebo after eating the regular order of mole cheese enchiladas, rice, beans, jamaica and... that side of... something?
It's pieces of Every You [and] Every Me.
But only time will tell even if the space and Stars and time or things that exist or don't exist will... perhaps. Maybe. Possibly. Someday. Never? I have no idea. I can't see the mirror from here.