An Era Ended in Flames
I wish it was actually as sweet in some ways as the last time we parted ways but...
This has been a very devastating week.
I can't get into the specifics just yet but I will state this:
I'm genuinely very very sorry for all of it. Much of it was my fault. However, I cannot take all the blame here.
A long time ago he turned to dust.
As one of my favorite books states, this is of great importance to note.
“If what one finds is made of pure matter; it will never spoil. and one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing in return.”- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
It's comforting to know (I say as I write in a place where I am a regular and they know exactly what I order) how much that book and quote in particular resonates and stays with me years after I've read it. I've experienced many instances of this very... matter.
He wasn't the first that would go that way.
I doubt he would be the last.
Nay. I know he wasn't the last.
I mean, if you've followed along here a bit you may be familiar with the one I refer to as Stardust and...
Well you probably think this is about you don't you don't you?
It's not actually.... even if it is (maybe) a little bit.
"He never deserved you." my cousin told me on the phone after the dust cleared.
She'd said that the last time you left too.
And about...
Well you probably think this is about you don't you don't you?
It's not actually.... even if it is (maybe) a little bit.
I think about the message you left on my phone as you drove off to your next...
To the woman whom you hurt before me and after me and...
And I felt better.
It felt better.
I think we both felt better.
Sad?
Yes.
Likely.
Completely likely...
for being not liked and incomplete and uncertain and...
Our choices...
but in a beautiful poetic way...
Maybe?
Hopefully?
Hope?
Fully?
Sigh.
One positive thing I can say about things is...
There were many positive things even if it was just stardust and flames in the end and...
The [ending and/in the] beginning.
Bear knew his limits.
Bear knew when it was/is time to just shut up and count your losses and walk away.
At times I falter with this.
It's not because I don't know better. Nay... it's debatable worse to an extent and to the exact opposite actually.
He taught me many things about life and love even though it all ended in flames.
Flames that would bring back memories of the past and an uncertain future.
I was right to leave.
He was right to do what he did too...
No he wasn't.
No I wasn't.
And in those ways...
In many ways...
I'm just...
This week ended an era in flames.
In another post for another time I will tell you more about...
But for now?
I'm thankful.
I understand why you did what you did Bear.
I'm sorry for what I did as well.
I didn't do much of what I know you don't know about.
I understand why you feel that way.
I would too if I didn't know what I do.
I know you don't believe me when I say this but I mean it with the utmost sincerity.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to all of you.
This week was an end of an era in flames.
People in a close proximity might think it's about that look we both gave each other as we saw each other last. They'd be right but they also wouldn't be right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to all of you.
I'm also... thankful for this.
It's time to come out of the ashes though and start that Phoenix life again.
Hopefully it is for you too.
For.. both of you
All of you
No matter what happens.
May peace come into your heart and guide you to the light of your own inner...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to all of you.
Thank you.
Peace be with you all.
But for now? It's time to get back to chasing that.
Ashes to ashes.
Flames to flames.
Because after the darkness comes the light.
Stay tuned for more adventures and heart and family and rides and prose and... pieces of an invisible me maybe? Until then... be.*
*Hopefully with a lot of love.
