There are so many days that I become an ostrich. I'm on a hiatus from the world. I'd like my island and cuddles already. It's a pretty basic desire for me.
It's not as common as I believe it should be. Ironically so many people actually agree with that but it's difficult for me to execute.
But there's moments.
These are the moments I live for.
Moments when the sun peaks out from a cloud and just grabs your face and hugs it.
Moments when a little boy jumps right through the dark and reminds you how much you're exactly what's wanted.
Moments when a friend from the past tells you that you are more valuable and desirable than you feel after... and... and that anyone who thinks otherwise is just wrong.
Moments when someone you met once raves about your sunshine and capability.
Moments standing on top of a beautiful view and putting the moon in your pocket because it was too beautiful not to.
Moments driving along Mulholland drinking your favorite lavender lemonade before driving PCH.
Moments hearing him laugh.
Moments dancing under gazebos after eating my favorite cheese enchiladas from that quaint regular spot on Olvera Street.
Moments wearing a swimsuit in a vintage truck because there wasn't A/C in that late 60s model beast.
Moments getting a beautiful postcard.
Moments being caught in the act of sending a ton of post cards.
Moments coming to have brekkers at one of my favorite cozy diners.
Because that's what makes this whole thing worth anything.
This piece was originally written on April 3rd, 2016. It has sat in the draft file of this blog ever since... ironically afraid to be placed into the light visible for everyone to see and experience.
Sadly things have continued along this path as time as passed. It's been both good and bad.
There is beauty and disaster and beauty again.
It is the cycle of things.
It is ironically this very bit of sentiment that drives me to believe in the capacity of others... of the beauty and potential of these moments coming through shining through the clouds of the darkest days.
But yet.. I've been told I have none of this very thing by... another being on this journey back when I thought I was... Once Loved.
But that's a different tale... for a different section.
It's been a bit since I have written on here in much any capacity. Things have been extremely dark and the lining has been slim... but it's been here and, for some reason, I'm still here. Oftentimes I can still be found in my safe place of a coffee shop which serves as my oasis. It's from that place that I took the picture that heads up today's/last years tale. It is a place dear to my heart which remains even after all the turmoil. It's seen me on many dark days that I have written about with unimaginable horrors not once but... several times...and others that I haven't.
There are many stories happening. Many of them deserve to be written. Yours is the most important of them. Yes- yours. I dare encourage you to take the time you need to find whatever silver linings you can through your darkness. You are not "lacking grace" for not being perfect. Your voice and story matters.
It breaks my heart every day to write... and not to write about all that is going on around me and otherwise. I wanted to write a special note as well in this to thank you to all of you that have been there for more than just the peaks of beauty. Heart is something that you cannot always teach sadly. It is not the easy road. It is far more difficult actually.
I encourage you to please aspire to be that person for someone else as well. In this journey of life, you never know how much your presence and care and heart may be the most valuable thing ever.
Happy Monday or... whatever it is for you. Congrats on surviving... for everyone else... and for yourself. You're awesome and shouldn't hide all the time. But if you do, its for you. There will be peaks and there will also be times to disappear. You are worth more than you realize but only if you realize it.
There will hopefully be more later... that's the strange beautiful thing about hope... it's just potential and nothing more or less than that.